It’s all over from that moment. There will be no workout or bill-paying or tidying up the kitchen. You sink into the couch and you’re done.
I feel like I have been go-go-go for months, and December was the pinnacle of busy. There were family birthdays and holiday shows, all-star soccer practices and karate tournaments. There was baking and shopping and wrapping and cleaning. We even squeezed in a picturesque family vacation to the Grand Canyon.
The day after Christmas, I managed to go through closets and old toys to ready a shipment for Goodwill. We took the decorations down and vacuumed fallen pine needles.
So yesterday, after I tucked my three-year-old in for a midday nap, I crashed. My body gave way, my eyes felt heavy and there was simply no escaping the fact that I was done.
I always knew when my children were babies, there would be ebbs and flows of sleeplessness. I went stretches on just two hours of shuteye. But here we are, with nearly a decade of motherhood on my resume, and I still obsess over sleep.
I am tired, and often feel like I will never catch up on my z’s. I was joking with my husband the other night about when we might feel rested again. We are clearly out of the infant years, but now seem firmly rooted in a time where we rise in the dark hours to exercise and get ready for the day, and lust for the moment when we can lay our heads down at night having given every ounce of energy to the day.
The in-between hours are a blur. Work, errands, after-school activities and taking care of everyday tasks like laundry and meals.
Even the weekends are jam-packed with games and church and grocery shopping and organizing for the week ahead.
It sounds a bit dramatic, but I often feel like I have nothing left to give. I give it all – with joy – and feel endlessly tired as a result.
So now, with just a week left of vacation, I hope to restore my energy reserves. I wish to sleep in a few mornings, and maybe even indulge in some afternoon naps. I’ll enjoy curling up on the couch with a book and take in a movie or too.
Without a doubt I have a full life and am blessed with a healthy family. Now if I can just catch up on some sleep, perhaps I can enjoy them even more.